Doors closing!

Metro train
Originally uploaded by edwardaggie98.

Metro is holding auditions for the next "please stand clear of the closing doors" voice on all its subway trains. I'm so going to try out.

I have some ideas, too. According to its press release, Metro is "seeking a fresh voice and new sound that will make rail riders take notice." You know, one of the cool things about the now-defunct Independence Airlines was the celebrity voices they got for the safety announcements, like James Carville and Mary Matalin, or Dennis Miller.

So what if Metro got some politicos and famous-for-D.C. types to do their announcements? Some examples could be...

Bill Clinton: "I did not stand in the way of those doors, on the Metro train."

George H.W. Bush: "Read my lips: Stand clear of the doors."

James Carville: "It's the closing doors, stupid."

Howard Dean: "Yyyyyaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh! Stand clear!" (Or, alternatively, "The doors are gonna close at Dupont Circle, and Woodley Park, and Cleveland Park! They're gonna close at Farragut West! And King Street! And Wheaton!")

Marion Barry: "Bitch doors set me up!"

I understand, though, that it might be hard to snag any of these famous people, and Metro might even want to go with some voices that are, sadly, no longer with us ("Ich bin ein closing door"). I think this helps my auditioning cause, for I can do a pretty killer Bill Clinton, and if my JFK isn't spot on, it's damn close from my years of watching Mayor Quimby on "The Simpsons."


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